as i sat at the back of the pick up fading*away ; noticeable transparency walking down this path like i do everyday fading*away ; fading*away ; fading*away ; fading*away ; fading*away ; fading*away ;
Saturday, March 04, 2006
how i wish things were different
with the wind blowing in my face
i closed my eyes
listened to the song playing on my discman
"i miss you" was playing
as i listened to lyrics of the song
thoughts started to fill my head
thoughts of you and of my life
as i let my mind drift further
as i continued to listen to the song
i felt a drop of water rolling down my cheek
i know i shouldnt think so far
i know i shouldnt think too much
i felt guilt and pain sting my heart
i felt sadness and worry overcome me
i cringed as these thoughts begin to fill my mind
all i ever wanted was to be happy
all i ever needed was for them to be there
all i ever wish for was things to be different
i feel like i am wearing a mask everyday
i feel like i am fighting everyday
my life is not as simple as it may seem
i wish i didnt have to hide things
as i sat at the back of the pick up
with the wind ceasing to blow in my face
i opened my eyes
the song on my discman stops
i get off the car,
i smiled at them
pretended like the episode didnt happen
and i wish silently that things were different
10:15 PM
Sunday, January 22, 2006
today i cant help but stop and look.
look at all that is around me
the people and its surroundings
many are rushing to get to their destination
constantly looking at their watches
many are pushing themselves out of the crowd
constantly gasping for air
the mother holding their precious ones
running to get them on time for school
the father holding their briefcase
running to earn the days keeps
the teenager carrying books in their hands
hoping that the day will pass by quickly
the young adult carrying their resume in their hands
hoping to get a job quickly
admist all these,
no one stops to greet each other
each preoccupied with their own thoughts
each just want life to go on quickly
why didnt anyone notice the beautiful sunshine this morning?
why didnt anyone smell the beautiful full bloom flowers this morning?
why didnt anyone feel the morning dew this morning?
why didnt anyone hear the birds chirping this morning?
why didnt anyone take a bite out of this fresh apple this morning?
no one saw the tired face of the mother
juggling the household and the welfare of the family
no one saw the worried face of the father
trying to make ends meet
no one saw the disheartened face of the teenager
crying out for the parents attention
no one saw the confused face of the young adult
not knowing what his future will bring
no one knew
no one saw
no one was there for the other
as no one knew that the other was facing the same thing.
1:43 AM
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
one word
it just takes one word to make one thing in one week, a sucky week.
it just takes one word to make one brain in one stupid head, to work.
it just takes one word to make one million tears sting one pair of eyes, red.
it just takes one word to tear one person down in just one second, flat.
so why didnt you say more than one wordto make my dayto make me think happy thoughtsto make me cry happy tearsto build me up
you left me drowning and bleeding from withinit was easier for you to say one wordthen to say moreso here is my one word to youthanks
11:43 PM
Saturday, July 16, 2005
My Teachers,My Parents,always tell mecommunication is the trump cardwhen playing the game ofbuilding strong bonds in relationships.They were telling fake TruthsThere were times when I played the trump card but no one hears meand I lost the game.Accepting defeat, I hide away in the cornertalking to myself, I was bonding. Solely Bonding.There were times when I lay my trump card down,I got scolded for being ignorant and rude,and so I lost again.I sat quietly in the cornercrying and talking to myself, I was bonding, Stronger.Solely BondingThere were times through actions I showed my trump cardbut no one sees it.and once again I Lost.I go away unappreciatedcrying, asking and talking to myself,I was bonding, Even Stronger.Solely BondingI was my best friendI knew all about meI was there for meI dried my tears away andI was Strongly bonding to mebut...Myself wished I did not existMyself wished I did not talk to meMyself wished i did not hear meMyself wanted so badly for I to leave becauseMyself Hated I so much. NOTE: I am not schizophrenic! I wrote this at like 3am last night hope you like it!
1:12 PM
Monday, June 13, 2005
Sand StormToday as i look around meis this what God has given to mea place so desolate,a place where i can't trust no anyone around meexcept myself?Lifeless are those around mefeigning ignorance like carcassesevading me like a plauge.Forcing me to find an oasis on my own.My oasis, My living water.as i take each stepmy feet sinks below the sand,draining every soul in me.as i carry life's heavy bagage upon my shouldersemotions rage through meas strong winds blow,sand was blinding my very eyes,slowing down my journey to "paradise".the stronger the determination i hadthe greater the deception i saw with my eyes.Hungry, Thristy and Fatiguei fell to my kneescrying out aloud,"God why?"Anger, Hate and Dejectiondrove me to prove to everyone that I could find it.Alone.Drained emotionally and mentallyI laid still on the soft sandcrying and realising that No I could not find iton my own...As the sand storm ceased,my vision became clearer and clearerlooking all around meI saw frimilar faces and cheery smilesis this a mirage?am I dreaming?A man walked out from the crowd bent down, dried my tears and embraced me"I am Your Oasis, Your Living Water,And I have always been right there beside You.I Love You, My Child."
9:58 PM
Friday, April 22, 2005
sick and tired of this life
sick and tired of giving and giving
yet they don`t appreciate
sick and tired of people always thinking otherwise
sick and tired of being alive
sick and tired of having to worry about tommorrow
sick and tired of living in fear
sick and tired of getting rejected
sick and tired of having to give
yet don`t get any returns
sick and tired of helping people
when they don`t even want to help themselves
sick and tired of people putting me down
when they are not perfect either
sick and tired of people who are so full of themseleves
when they are not the only ones on this earth.
sick and tired of people telling me what is right and what is wrong
when nothing in this world is right
sick and tired of having to do what is best for me
when actually that is not what i want
sick and tired of pleasing people
when ultimately i am not accountable to them
sick and tired of having to put on a mask everyday
when i am just so sick and tired already
sick and tired of people
sick and tired of this world
sick and tired of living this life
sick and tired of being me
4:16 PM
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
sitting by my bedside,
looking at the candles burning,
i see myself in it.
i see what i am made out of.
God,my candle maker
made me out of just plain wax.
he moulded me,
and shaped me to be what i am today.
each candle is made with so much love and care.
each candle is unique in its own way,
each candle will burn brightly for tomorrow,
each candle is precious to the candle maker.
wonderfully and perfectly made is the candle.
ready to be used to its greatest potential.
burning strongly to bring light into the darkness
overcoming and burning every wax in its way.
after every battle fought,
the candle is tired and weak
and he rests in his maker's arms
slowly but surely becoming ever stronger than ever before.
and soon again the candle is ready for his next battle,
fighting strongly and shinning brightly for the world to see.
the fire in him never extinguishes
until his work here is done.
sitting by my bedside,
thinking to myself,
i see myself shinning for God,
i see myself battling for God.
8:27 PM
